The friend group through which we knew each other is a tight-knit but fairly large one, and my wife and I are relatively late additions to it. I didn’t know Phil well enough to know the history of his struggles with depression. In the spring of 2021, after a year of lockdown, after fires choked the sky over the whole Northwest for much of the summer and approached the city limits of Portland, where I live after the goddamned election after February ice storms shut the city down and left hundreds of thousands without power for a week after the first vaccine doses became available and things seemed like they were finally-finally-getting a little better, my friend Phil shot himself in his apartment. First, I will tell you the story of the shirt. Or, to put it in the parlance of the band, specifically their song “Stash,” which I am hoping to hear tonight: “Was it for this my life I sought?” Anastasio, the frontman and guitarist, sings this line with a hint of snarl and when he does, the whole crowd shouts back at him, “MAYBE SO AND MAYBE NOT!” It’s scribbled in the end pages of the tenth-grade yearbook of my soul with a little drawing of a pot leaf next to it, and they’re gonna play it and I’m gonna shout it, but that’s later. Today is May 27, 2022, and I’m getting drunk in a hot parking lot at an entertainment megaplex on an island off the coast of Alabama, where I am spending Memorial Day weekend seeing the venerable, dorky, transcendent, irredeemable jam band Phish, who I have loved with reservation since I was a teenager who are in their thirty-ninth year as a going concern even as I am on the eve of my fortieth who have only ever lost one member and can still boast the four-man line-up of Trey Anastasio, Mike Gordon, Jon Fishman, and Page McConnell that they’ve had since 1986 (the Grateful Dead have had as many piano players as there have ever been members of Phish) whose setlists I read like some men read box scores or the Talmud when I’m not forgetting that they exist for months or years at a time who I will not at any point in this essay try to convince you to like, or even to listen to who are kicking off their spring tour with a three-night stand at the Wharf Amphitheater in Orange Beach and who are going to help me answer two questions that I first mooted as lines of casual inquiry but which have lately taken on a morbid, ecstatic urgency: Who, exactly, goes to Southern Alabama to spend Memorial Day weekend at a trio of Phish shows? And what am I doing here with them? For more information, please contact your local Customs office.The last time I wore this vintage bootleg Phish T-shirt I wore it to a funeral. There might also be delays in delivery times due to customs checks which is out of our control. Paying these charges is your responsibility. These charges, if applicable, are determined and charged by the Customs office of your country. Some countries may require import tax, duties and customs fees for the imports. Unfortunately, we do not have the ability to change the shipping address once an order goes into processing. If you wish to send items to different locations, you will need to place a separate order for each shipping address. Unfortunately, we cannot split up an order and ship to multiple locations. Multiple orders placed on the same day cannot be combined. When available, we will send you a tracking number with the confirmation email so that you can track the package online.
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